写给科技极客的临阵磨枪万圣节变装指南
英文标题：Last-minute Halloween costumes for tech nerds
万圣节临近却还没准备好装扮？本文盘点了一系列取材自近期科技热点与开发者痛点的速成变装创意。从 Dario Amodei 与 Sam Altman 担忧的“递归自我提升”、看似可爱实则索取权限的 AI Agent，到让程序员冷汗直冒的 Claude 额度耗尽通知与 PHP 严重漏洞，均化身为派对上的恶搞素材。这些点子以硬核科技幽默解构了行业焦虑与前沿动态，为开发者与科技爱好者提供了一套零门槛的狂欢解决方案。
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中文
人人都会遇到这种情况——万圣节马上就到了，而你却完全没搞定变装。自然而然地，你决定把这个难题抛给……TechCrunch？好吧，为什么不呢？我刚好有些点子。
以下是为科技迷准备的临阵磨枪版万圣节装扮指南，所需付出的努力程度各不相同。
递归自我提升（Recursive self-improvement）
像 Dario Amodei 和 Sam Altman 这样的 AI 领袖曾表达过他们的担忧，认为 AI 发展得太快了；但如果 AI 模型具备了“递归自我提升”的能力，它们就能在没有人为干预的情况下自我进化，届时任何试图“跟上前沿步伐”的努力都将付诸东流。
我不太确定如何用视觉形象来呈现“AI 自我构建”的概念，但你完全可以紧扣“自我提升”这部分，直接忽略“递归”那一环——毕竟这是最后一刻赶出来的万圣节装扮，你真没必要那么拼。
把自己打扮成你每年制定新年计划时幻想成为的那个自己。随身带一本励志书或生产力指南，比如《原子习惯》（Atomic Habits）或马尔科姆·格拉德威尔（Malcolm Gladwell）的任何作品，再带上一张瑜伽垫和一大瓶水。派对进行到一半时借口“要去赶心理咨询”提前离开，而实际上你只是想回家躺着。逢人就吹嘘你的 Oura Ring 睡眠评分有多高。
你就是那个拼命想要自我提升的具象化身。你就是“递归自我提升”。
图片来源： aldomurillo / Getty Images
貌似可爱的 AI Agent
Meta 和 OpenAI 最近都推出了带有诡异可爱虚拟形象的 AI 助手。这简直有点伊丽莎白·霍姆斯（Elizabeth Holmes）的既视感——它们外表人畜无害，导致你严重低估了它们引发灾难的潜力。（既然聊到她了，顺便提醒一句：只有当你天生金发或者戴了金色假发时，你才被允许穿黑色高领毛衣扮成霍姆斯。）
你要做的是让自己看起来蓬松又圆滚滚。或许你有一件膨胀的面包羽绒服，或者能找来一些彩色的羽毛围巾裹在身上。再戴上一顶别致的帽子、眼镜或其他配饰，让自己看起来更像 ChatGPT 标志性的彩色圆点。如果你有一件鲜艳的彩色衬衫和配套的裤子，效果也一样好。
整晚你都要不停地问大家：能否获取他们 Gmail 邮箱的读写访问权限？
图片来源： OpenAI
不管你称它们为“偷窥狂眼镜”还是别的什么，我们应该都能达成共识：如果有人未经你允许就开始录你，那确实挺渗人的——完全契合万圣节的惊悚氛围。
随便抓一副眼镜——或者在顺手的地方买副便宜货——然后在其中一个镜片上贴一个大红圈或大白圈，模拟正在录制的红色指示灯。如果你想让装扮更具惊悚感（或者你弄不到大圆贴纸），直接戴普通眼镜即可，逢人就说你是“把指示灯遮住偷偷录像的家伙”。切记，穿这套行头时，千万不要真的未经许可录制他人。
图片来源： David Paul Morris/Bloomberg
身穿略显诡异 T 恤的马克·扎克伯格
说到这里，马克·扎克伯格近期的穿搭风格辨识度相当高。他最近经常穿一些略显宽松、版型方正的黑色 T 恤。
想完全复刻他青睐的“黑底印黑字”风格可能有点难，但你可以在身上贴张纸，上面写着“构建是我的爱之语言（Building is my love language）”。
如果你对自己的拉丁语发音有信心，也可以尝试更吓人的方案，比如效仿他曾经穿过的一件印有“Aut Zuck aut nihil”的衬衫，意思是“要么成为扎克，要么一无所有”。这听起来确实透着一丝阴森。
图片来源： Minh Connors/Bloomberg / Getty Images
AI 用量上限通知
对某些人来说，世上没有什么比 Claude Token 耗尽更恐怖的事了。
找一块纸板，打印几张提示“你已达到使用上限”的通知截图，然后去吓唬那些氛围编程（vibe-coding）玩家吧。我用一张修改过的库存图片展示了这个创意。你不必非得打扮得像在 Hot Topic 服装店打工一样——那只是图里的模特风格而已。
图片来源： 4×6 / Getty Images
PHP 漏洞（脆弱性）
可怕的“PHP 末日”至今历历在目——就在上周，AI 挖掘出了可能对互联网造成灾难性打击的 PHP 严重漏洞。Web 开发者感受到的恐惧依然清晰，这让它成了一个绝佳的万圣节装扮：你就是一个 PHP vulnerability（既指 PHP 漏洞，也双关人类的脆弱情感）。
具体操作如下：买一件普通 T 恤和一支记号笔，在衣服上写上 PHP。保持极简。
至于“脆弱（vulnerability）”的部分呢？你必须全情投入这场表演。一整晚，你都要拉着朋友畅谈你的内心感受，毫无保留地袒露你的脆弱与情绪。聊聊最近失去至亲如何让你领悟到生命的脆弱不堪。要是你的过度煽情把派对氛围搞砸了，直接装作这也是万圣节装扮的一部分，坚称自己其实酷得很、风趣幽默，从不知悲伤为何物。
图片来源： Tatsiana Volkava / Getty Images
布莱恩·约翰逊（Bryan Johnson）
这套装扮的精髓不言自明。
布莱恩·约翰逊，第二弹
情侣装警报！
也许这个周末你要赶不止一场万圣节派对，同时希望各套行头能保持一致的主题。当你备好了第一套睡衣造型后，是时候准备第二套扮演这位备受争议的生物黑客的装扮了：GLP-Bryan。
约翰逊今年早些时候在 X 上发文称：“我经常用全部体重压在凯特身上。这种深度压力能平复她的神经系统，平息奔腾的思绪，并释放催产素从而降低皮质醇。我们管这叫 GLP-Bryan。”
自然，大家看了一头雾水，于是他特意发了张照片亲自示范。
确实，将这一幕作为万圣节装扮会有些棘手，但如果你已经没时间买任何道具了，这个方案绝对管用。只需穿上一件你衣柜里本来就有的 T 恤和牛仔裤。在派对正中央直接趴在伴侣身上确实会很诡异，甚至超级诡异——但这正是你拖到最后一刻才搞装扮必须付出的代价。
English / 原文
It happens to the best of us — you’ve completely dropped the ball on figuring out a Halloween costume. Naturally, you’ve decided to solve this problem by turning to… TechCrunch? Yeah, sure, why not. I’ve got some ideas.
Here are some last-minute techy Halloween costumes. Effort levels vary.
Recursive self-improvement
AI leaders like Dario Amodei and Sam Altman have expressed their fears that AI is developing too quickly, but if AI models become capable of “recursive self-improvement,” they’ll be able to advance on their own without human intervention, rendering any efforts to “pace the frontier” futile.
I’m not sure how to visually represent the idea of an AI building itself, but you could really lean into the “self-improvement” part and forget the “recursive” aspect — it’s a last-minute Halloween costume. You don’t need to try that hard.
Dress as the version of yourself you imagine becoming every year when you make New Year’s resolutions. Carry around a self-help or productivity book like “Atomic Habits” or anything by Malcolm Gladwell, a yoga mat, and a huge bottle of water. Leave in the middle of the party to “go to therapy” when you actually just want to go home. Brag to people about how good your Oura Ring’s sleep score is.
You are the embodiment of someone trying to better themselves. You are recursive self-improvement.
Image Credits: aldomurillo / Getty Images
A deceptively cute AI agent
Meta and OpenAI both recently launched AI assistants with creepily cute avatars. It’s almost Elizabeth Holmes-esque — they look innocent, so you underestimate their potential to cause disaster. (While we’re talking about her, you’re only allowed to do the black turtleneck Holmes costume if you’re a natural blonde, or if you have a blonde wig.)
What you’re going to do is make yourself look big and fluffy. Maybe you have a poofy puffer jacket, or maybe you can find some colorful feather boas to wrap yourself in. Add a distinctive hat, glasses, or other accessory to make yourself look more like a ChatGPT dot. If you have a colorful shirt and matching bottoms, that also works.
Throughout the night, ask people if you can obtain read/write access to their Gmail.
Image Credits: OpenAI
Whether you call them “pervert glasses” or not, we should all be able to agree that it would be really spooky if someone just started recording you without your consent — perfectly in keeping with the Halloween spirit.
Just grab a pair of glasses — or buy a cheap pair somewhere convenient — and attach a big red or white circle to one lens, mimicking the red recording light. If you want to make the costume extra creepy (or, if you can’t make a big circle sticker), you can just wear normal glasses and say that you’re “guy recording with the light covered up.” Please, just don’t actually record people without their consent while you wear this costume.
Image Credits: David Paul Morris/Bloomberg
Mark Zuckerberg wearing a vaguely unsettling T-shirt
While we’re at it, Mark Zuckerberg’s fashion has been pretty recognizable lately. He’s been wearing a lot of slightly oversized, boxy black T-shirts.
It may be hard to replicate the black-text-on-black-shirt style he gravitates toward, but you could attach a piece of paper to yourself that says “Building is my love language.”
If you feel confident in your Latin pronunciation, you could go for something actually scary, like the time he wore a shirt that said “Aut Zuck aut nihil,” which means “Either Zuck or nothing.” It’s a little ominous.
Image Credits: Minh Connors/Bloomberg / Getty Images
An AI usage limit notification
For some people, there’s nothing scarier than running out of Claude tokens.
Grab a piece of cardboard, print out screenshots of notifications telling you that you’ve reached your usage limit, and go spook some vibe-coders. I’ve illustrated this idea using an edited stock photo. You don’t have to dress like you work at Hot Topic — that’s just the model in the image.
Image Credits: 4×6 / Getty Images
A PHP vulnerability
The scary PHP-ocalypse is fresh in our memory — it was only last week that AI unearthed critical PHP flaws that could’ve been catastrophic for the internet. The fear that web developers felt is still palpable, making it a good Halloween costume: You are a PHP vulnerability.
Here’s what you’re going to do. Buy a T-shirt and a sharpie, and write PHP on it. Keep it simple.
What about the vulnerability part? You’re going to have to commit to the bit. All night, you’re going to talk to your friends about your feelings. Actually bare your emotions. Talk about how your recent loss of a loved one made you remember how fragile life can be. If making yourself vulnerable kills the vibe, just pretend it was part of the Halloween costume and that you’re really cool and fun and never feel sad ever.
Image Credits: Tatsiana Volkava / Getty Images
Bryan Johnson
The costume explains itself.
Bryan Johnson, a second time
Couples costume alert!
Maybe you have more than one Halloween party to go to this weekend, but you want your various costumes to stick to a specific theme. Once you’ve got your sleepy time getup sorted, it’s time to prep your second costume portraying the controversial biohacker: GLP-Bryan.
Johnson wrote on X earlier this year: “I frequently lay on top of Kate with all of my bodyweight. The deep pressure calms her nervous system, quiets racing thoughts, and releases oxytocin which lowers cortisol. We call it GLP-Bryan.”
Naturally, people were confused, so he shared an image to demonstrate.
Yes, this will be hard to reproduce as a Halloween costume, but if you’ve run out of time to buy anything, this one will do. Just wear a T-shirt and jeans, which you probably already own. It will be weird to lie on top of your partner in the middle of a party. Really weird. But that’s what you get for waiting until now to figure out a costume.